Today will be 19 years since the accident that eventually led to my brothers death.
Today is also another day of remembrance for Jacqui (my younger sister's best friend and my friend Missy's little sister) who passed away 9 years ago today of meningitis. Jacqui is dearly missed by all who had the pleasure of knowing such a beautiful and sweet girl. Please think of her, her daughter Ana, and her family as they remember her dearly today!
Today will also be 65 years since many of this nations young men bravely and valiantly stormed Normandy...many young lives were lost that day....so I would like to also remember those who gave their lives and for those who served and still serve this country so that we may continue our freedom.
Please take a moment and hold each of these loving individuals and their families in your prayers and thoughts!
Kym
~capturing life one click at a time~
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Family Time
When Mike was moved out of ICU and into a room to recover...we spent the next few days talking with him, watching all his friends and GIRLS trickle in and out of the rooms. Between working, preparing for a trip for work, taking care of my son and going to the hospital.....little did I know that my world was about to change quite drastically. I was about to unwillingly join this club called bereaved sibling.
I remember that the family was there to visit with Mike. My parents, our older brother and our little sister. Just the six of us together....we walked out into the corridor with Mike and sat out in the lobby, Mike pushing his IV pole with him. Our little sister had purchased some band-aid bubble gum that came in the metal tin (like the old band-aids used to come in...) and Mike had asked her what in the world did she have....when she explained it to him, in his own warped sense of humor (the whole family has the same sense of humor), he pulled off one of his bandages and handed it to her and said something like "Chew on this...." I think that was the last good conversation and hearty laugh that the family had together before a crack in the foundation set us spinning in splintered directions of too many misplaced years of grief....
I miss you more than ever, especially now that my son has grown as has surpassed the age that you were when you moved on....he is like you in so many ways....his sense of humor, he reminds me so much of you....very charismatic....he loved you as well....I remember that he would scream and dance when you came over to see us....Uncle Mike! We miss you and love you.....thanks for always having my back brother! One day.....one fine day, many, many years from now...I will see your bright, smiling face!
I remember that the family was there to visit with Mike. My parents, our older brother and our little sister. Just the six of us together....we walked out into the corridor with Mike and sat out in the lobby, Mike pushing his IV pole with him. Our little sister had purchased some band-aid bubble gum that came in the metal tin (like the old band-aids used to come in...) and Mike had asked her what in the world did she have....when she explained it to him, in his own warped sense of humor (the whole family has the same sense of humor), he pulled off one of his bandages and handed it to her and said something like "Chew on this...." I think that was the last good conversation and hearty laugh that the family had together before a crack in the foundation set us spinning in splintered directions of too many misplaced years of grief....
I miss you more than ever, especially now that my son has grown as has surpassed the age that you were when you moved on....he is like you in so many ways....his sense of humor, he reminds me so much of you....very charismatic....he loved you as well....I remember that he would scream and dance when you came over to see us....Uncle Mike! We miss you and love you.....thanks for always having my back brother! One day.....one fine day, many, many years from now...I will see your bright, smiling face!
Monday, June 1, 2009
The Impact
The morning after my brother's accident and the days that followed were a bit of a blur.....spending time with my family in the ICU waiting room, my brother finally coming out of his coma and talking to us, pleading with my job not to send me to Virginia for business, fighting with the nurses and demanding that doctors show up and tell us my brother's prognosis...talking to my brother, laughing with him, all of the family at the hospital rallying around Mike!
Mike, that sweet, lovable, gotcha grin, even in all the pain, he still could break your heart! Oh, how I miss him, miss his friendship, his view on the world, miss him being there as the one person who always had my back! That final conversation will never leave my heart, no matter how many times I talk about, it is the one thing that I think held me together all these years....that I was able to tell him that I loved him as well, that he knew he was loved by us all, that we could not live without him.......
I will post more later.....
Sweet Dreams.....
Mike, that sweet, lovable, gotcha grin, even in all the pain, he still could break your heart! Oh, how I miss him, miss his friendship, his view on the world, miss him being there as the one person who always had my back! That final conversation will never leave my heart, no matter how many times I talk about, it is the one thing that I think held me together all these years....that I was able to tell him that I loved him as well, that he knew he was loved by us all, that we could not live without him.......
I will post more later.....
Sweet Dreams.....
Remembering Michael Shawn 1970-1990
I know that this blog is about art, creativity and photography, but for the next few weeks, I want to share some stories of my little brother whom I lost on June 13, 1990.
On June 6, 1990, he choose to enter a van driven by a "friend" whom was intoxicated and possibly on drugs as well. From what I have been told about the accident, he supposedly fell out of the van as they turned a very sharp corner and ended up hitting the bumper of a parked car face forward. He was clinically dead on the scene until the police arrived and brought him back. My parents were awoken by two Police Officers around 3 a.m. to inform them that my brother was in the emergency room fighting for his life. I remember having this vivid dream right before my father woke me up to tell me that they were going to the hospital. In the dream, I witnessed my brother being killed in a car wreck, and when I was woke up by the sound of my dad's mournful voice, I asked him if Mike was still alive, since the dream seemed so real at the time. The next few days were horrible, the waiting and the agony of my parent's frustration and fear of waiting for my brother to come out of his coma were too much to bare for me, but I held on the best that I could without falling apart myself.
Today is June 1st, the start of the cycle of remembering, the cycle of trying to help my parents cope with the memories that still haunt them.....the moods that darken my dreams and make it hard to sleep. There really is no true help out there for loss of siblings, there are more discussion websites and a few books, but the main focus of help in tragedies of loss are for the parents. I did not realize how much my brother's death had shaped my future until I started to really open up more about my feelings in the last few years. I will say this, if you know someone who has lost a sibling, whether it was when they were young, teenagers, young adult or adult....and one day they open up to you and let it slip that they had lost a sibling....listen to them, do not say your sorry....just listen to them talk, that is probably all they want to do, just get the feelings out of their head and the pain off of their chest. A chance to bring them back to life, if only in memory.
Art did help me cope in ways that I still do not understand, but it helped me confront myself about the pain that I held down deep in my heart and refused to let go of, until now. All I want to do is to remember him without the pain. The tears will always flow, but not as hard. So, for the next few weeks, I will share stories, pictures of our childhood and what I went through during his last week before he left this world behind.
I love you Mike....I remember you always! Thank you for telling me that you loved me, those last words you ever spoke to me the night before you died are still carried in my heart and I can still hear you say them to me....Love ya, Kym......
On June 6, 1990, he choose to enter a van driven by a "friend" whom was intoxicated and possibly on drugs as well. From what I have been told about the accident, he supposedly fell out of the van as they turned a very sharp corner and ended up hitting the bumper of a parked car face forward. He was clinically dead on the scene until the police arrived and brought him back. My parents were awoken by two Police Officers around 3 a.m. to inform them that my brother was in the emergency room fighting for his life. I remember having this vivid dream right before my father woke me up to tell me that they were going to the hospital. In the dream, I witnessed my brother being killed in a car wreck, and when I was woke up by the sound of my dad's mournful voice, I asked him if Mike was still alive, since the dream seemed so real at the time. The next few days were horrible, the waiting and the agony of my parent's frustration and fear of waiting for my brother to come out of his coma were too much to bare for me, but I held on the best that I could without falling apart myself.
Today is June 1st, the start of the cycle of remembering, the cycle of trying to help my parents cope with the memories that still haunt them.....the moods that darken my dreams and make it hard to sleep. There really is no true help out there for loss of siblings, there are more discussion websites and a few books, but the main focus of help in tragedies of loss are for the parents. I did not realize how much my brother's death had shaped my future until I started to really open up more about my feelings in the last few years. I will say this, if you know someone who has lost a sibling, whether it was when they were young, teenagers, young adult or adult....and one day they open up to you and let it slip that they had lost a sibling....listen to them, do not say your sorry....just listen to them talk, that is probably all they want to do, just get the feelings out of their head and the pain off of their chest. A chance to bring them back to life, if only in memory.
Art did help me cope in ways that I still do not understand, but it helped me confront myself about the pain that I held down deep in my heart and refused to let go of, until now. All I want to do is to remember him without the pain. The tears will always flow, but not as hard. So, for the next few weeks, I will share stories, pictures of our childhood and what I went through during his last week before he left this world behind.
I love you Mike....I remember you always! Thank you for telling me that you loved me, those last words you ever spoke to me the night before you died are still carried in my heart and I can still hear you say them to me....Love ya, Kym......
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